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David Tennant

Something is wrong with Tuesday

David Tennant

So normally, the day that I have it in for is Thursday.  Thursday has never been a favorite day of mine and it’s less so these days since Kile has class in the evenings.  Though if I’m going to be perfectly honest, that hasn’t been so bad.  So its on me to put the kids to bed… big deal.  I even get some time with the TV to pick what I want to watch.  A little glass of wine and I’m good to go.  I miss having Kile there but he comes home eventually and its all well.

The last two Tuesdays have been kinda rough though and I’m starting to give Tuesday some serious side-eye.  Tuesday is generally a pretty good day.  Because, as I learned when I joined up with Tumblr last year, Tuesday isn’t just Tuesday.  It’s TENNANT TUESDAY.  Which means that all over Tumblr, there are pictures of David Tennant.  Like the above picture.  That’s a good day, people!

I think the problem with Tuesdays is that a lot of people are having Tuesday related issues.  And they bring those issues into my sphere of being and then I’m like… stop raining on my Tennant Tuesday.  I just think everyone needs to take a minute and eat some fruit or something.  We got some great shots of Matt Smith and Jenna Louise Coleman filming for the 50th in Trafalgar Square (they hung him from the bottom of the TARDIS and he lived to tell the tale… I think that’s pretty incredible, ngl).  There was a little “script leak” that… who even knows if that’s the actual script or not?  I don’t know.  I wouldn’t be surprised if something like what was in the script happens but I have a hard time believing that that was it too.  So whatever.  Who cares.  I don’t want to speculate cuz, come on.  We have till NOVEMBER.

Mostly I’m feeling peevish because there’s some backlash about one of David Tennant’s next projects, “The Politician’s Husband” which will show up in the UK at the end of the month (and I’ll subsequently download cuz that’s how I roll).  He’s not playing a nice guy and GASP OMG HOW DARE HE.  He’s played a not nice guy before and we all survived that.  Sit down and chill out, people.  No one’s gonna make you watch it.  Believe it or not: NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. *edited to add: yes I have seen Secret Smile!  Two times even!  Wasn’t he WRETCHED in that?  Incredible.

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What may actually BE the end of the world is how Broadchurch ended last night.  That’s another British show, a miniseries in 8 episodes and last night was episode 6.  It’ll eventually show up on BBC America, I’m sure, but I don’t have patience for that kind of thing.  So I download it.  Again: that’s how I roll.  ANYHOW, it’s a murder mystery and the cast is fantastic and it’s pretty to look at and fascinating to no end.  And if David Tennant’s character dies I will have a serious problem because I’m so worried, you guys.

Meanwhile, I’m surviving spring break.  Now, whether or not the KIDS survive spring break remains to be seen.  We’ll see if they can refrain from bickering and whining and otherwise driving me absolutely crazy.  It’s only TUESDAY.  There are so, so many more days to get through.  I fear the worst.

Back to life

I’ve mentioned before that I’m feeling better now than I did even just a year ago.  And so much better than the years before that even.  But now… oh my.  The difference is so startling.  And that’s just the difference between when I felt that I was better and now when I am SO MUCH better.  And I look back, at the last 5 or so years, and I wonder “HOW did I make it, feeling that way??”

It’s plain to me now that I wasn’t really living.  I was existing.  Surviving.  Going through the motions and letting one day roll into the next until months and years had passed.  I was mostly okay with it because I didn’t comprehend the hole I was in.  It was just life and there are ups and downs, yes?

But now, the blindfold has come off and I can see again.  I don’t just feel better, I feel fantastic.  Before, if I thought of things such as friendships lost and loneliness, it would pull me down into an abyss of angst.  Then, earlier this year when I was starting to come out of it, I would be generally content.  However, when I would think of these same things, I would feel some twinges of that angst.  There was no abyss and I wouldn’t wallow but I would feel regret and sadness and … ugh.  Not fun stuff, that! But I was starting to see more perspective on things that happened, at my part in things that went wrong.  I’m thinking specifically of some friendships I had that if you’ve been reading me for a while, you might recall some mention of.  I no longer was feeling the crippling grief and self-pity that I had before.  Everything was getting better, I was starting to see (with horrible clarity) my hand in the dissolution of that friendship.  Why hadn’t I seen so clearly before?  I felt embarrassed.

But now?  Now that the lights are fully on and I am back to life?  I don’t feel the angst.  Yes, maybe a momentary wistfulness for friendships lost but I am so completely past it now that I can pull out those thoughts and memories, turn them over and examine them, and feel so abyss pulling at me, no grief or guilt or regret.  It’s done and so totally ancient history.  I was not a happy person when that all went down.  I didn’t even completely see it at the time, I don’t think anyone saw it.  So what is the point in dwelling on it?  No point at all.  And honestly, I don’t even think of it much at all anymore.  Where once I was consumed, then I was occasionally pulled in… now I glance and shrug and move on.

Oh… this is so much better.

Looking back, I can see so clearly that I had some major issues with self-loathing and self-worth.  I was disgusted by myself.  So how could anyone else accept me if I was so repellant?  I wallowed in the social anxiety, letting is suck me in and not let me back out again.  I was alone and truly felt that I deserved to be alone.  I felt sorry for myself without ever accepting that I was worth anything more.  It was horrible.  But the worst part is that I didn’t see it and I didn’t try to find a way out sooner.

I’m not entirely sure how I found my way out now, in fact.  Was it getting my thyroid under control?  Was it Liam starting Kindergarten?  Going back to MOPS?  Everything altogether?  I wish I knew the formula, in case I ever find myself in the abyss again.  But the way I’m feeling now, I don’t see any abyss in sight.  I feel better mentally AND physically.  I have energy and enthusiasm and I’m ready to go.

Watch out, World!

No foolin’

April Fool’s!  I hate April Fool’s, to be honest.  You know why?  I’m, in the immortal words of Bugs Bunny, a “gulli-bull”.   I fall for EVERYTHING.  I am ashamed to admit the number of gags I’ve fallen for so far today already.  Thing is, I take people at their word.  I’m a trusting schmuck.  Dear god, don’t sell me any bridges!  I’ll buy ‘em!

Another thing that’s shameful is the number of posts I’ve started here and then forgotten until it’s been so long that it’s pointless to finish them off and publish them.  Truly.  So I’m resolving this fine April Fool’s Day, to sit here and FINISH this darned post and then actually remember to hit publish.  I can do it!

I’m so glad this week is over.  Or at least nearly so.  The other day I had the worst headache of my entire life and it literally brought tears to my eyes it was so awful.  It was combined with some pretty bad muscle aches on my neck at the base of my head.  I couldn’t turn my head, I couldn’t stand up, I couldn’t do diddly squat.   And NOTHING worked to help it go away.  Finally, when Kile got home from work he brought me Excedrin Migrane and THAT seemed to finally kick it.  Thank goodness!

Of course, today I have a monstrous shoulder ache.  Yes, my shoulder.  Of all things!  It hurts to lift my left arm or to lay on it or anything like that.  I’ve taken some ibuprofen and thankfully that seems to take the edge off.  Because lord knows I wouldn’t just put down the knitting just because it’s painful.

Speaking of knitting (and do I really speak of anything else these days?), remember that pattern I was venting guilt over in my last post?  We I think getting that off my chest was the inspiration I needed to polish it off and send it off to the testers.  You can check it out here: http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/jackson-hat  Some quick knitters have even already finished their hats.  Hot dang!  So I might finally get this poor pattern released by the middle of April like I’m hoping.

And just in time because I have ANOTHER pattern idea dancing around in my brain.  I’m going to work up what I’m imagining and if it comes together like I think it will, I’ll write up the pattern for that one too.  I’m a pattern-ing fool!  But I love patterns.  Patterns and stitch markers and knitting needles and yarn.  They’re my life.  And if you think I’m exaggerating, I’d invite you to come and check out my Yarn Shrine.  Yes, really.

Ugh.  Liam is hollering at me that he is finished with lunch (if he actually even ate anything I’d be surprised) and is ready for naptime.  And he won’t quit until I get up and deal with him so since I resolved to not leave this spot until I finished and posted this up, I better do that now before he chucks something at my head.  You think I’m joking!

Kindergarten starts soon, thank GOD.

Orly?

Thank you to everyone who had such kind words to me on yesterday’s post.  I didn’t mean for it to come across as “poor me”, though I suppose it kind of did.  It was more a “ack, so much to do and I’m not getting it all done!” sort of post.  Which, you know, that never changes around here.  Heh.  I appreciate the response though.  It’s nice to know there is someone who cares out there.

Me?  I’m fine.  Yesterday was a rough day and I pretty much know WHY it was a rough day.  So I’ve taken steps to make sure today is better.  Because better days are a good thing, right?

I’m back at the knitting and I do feel better about getting my knitting done.  I know I can do it.  I’m pretty quick, after all.  And most of all, I don’t want to let people down.  I hate keeping them waiting and I want to make them happy.  Hello, people pleaser!  But seriously.  Knitting isn’t a problem.  I just wish there were about 10 more hours in the day because DAYUM I’d be dang productive if that were the case, huh?

Of course, it’d be nice if those 10 hours were not hours that I was used as the wee ones personal jungle gym.   I swear, those children love nothing more than to just clamber on me all day.  Even Liam, though the worst offender by far is Evie.  She is on and off my lap constantly.  And I do enjoy interacting with them both but if I’m in the middle of doing something intricate or typing an email, well… You see what I’m saying, I’m sure.

I think I just need an organizer.  Perhaps a personal assistant/nanny/maid too but the organizer would be a good start.

So I’ll just keep on keepin’ on over here.  Don’t worry about me!  I’ll be a-ight.

The Worst of 2008

It was quite a year.  There were ups and downs.  Today?  I’m going to cover the downs.  Because I’d like to finish on a high note.  I’ll either do the “ups” tomorrow or tonight or whatever.  I’m still on vacation.  Time is relative.

  • The economy.  Ooooooohhhhhhh boy.  Yeah.  It sucks.  It is The Bad.  I don’t like to expect that we’re all going to spiral down into the abyss so… I try to focus on the positive.  But yeah, it doesn’t look good.  The economy definitely took a dump this year.
  • The many depressing celebrity deaths.  There were many.  And they were hard to bear.  Some harder than others.  I mean, no more Heath Ledger!  Bernie Mac!  George Carlin!  This is very sad.  Shoot, even Eartha Kitt died this year.  Who’s next?  (Don’t answer that.  I don’t want to know.)
  • My health.  Oy.  This is pretty much all my fault, I know.  But the fact of the matter is my health, like the economy, took a dump this year.  I’d really like to turn that around in 2009.  I’d like to feel better, physically and mentally.  I’m not sure I could feel a whole lot worse (you know, without something catastrophic happening).
  • Weather.  Yeah, I’m not terribly happy with the weather we’ve had this year.  Maybe this has to do with global warming or something.  Less rain, less snow.  Sure, the summer was fairly mild but mild temperatures aren’t exactly a good thing.  We need moisture, ya’ll.  It’s sorta important.
  • All those stupid earthquakes we had last spring.  What was up with THAT??  Talk about nerve wracking.  Let’s hope we don’t see a repeat of that in 2009, mmkay?
  • The Van Registration Fiasco of 2008.  Cuz that whole thing has sucked rather hardcore, I gotta say.  Another moment from 2008 that I’d rather not see replayed in 2009.
  • All the crap that went wrong with our house this year.  Our back fence, the busted windows… shoot even the balast that went out of our flourescent overhead light in the kitchen.   What the heck, yo?
  • Bad TV.  BAAAAD TV!!  There was a lot of bad television shows this year.  That stupid show “Momma’s Boys” or whatever it’s called takes the cake.  That is the worst of the worst.  And there was a lot of “worst”, believe you me.  Even shows that used to be awesome sucked this year.  Like “Heroes”.
  • Anything related to “High School Musical” or Hannah Montana.  HATE HATE HATE.  I’m so tired of seeing this licensed crap all over the stores and the television and everywhere else.
  • Basically any news story or current event that made my eyes roll back into my head.  There were a lot of them.  Far too many to mention here.  Rest assured, if it was someone victimizing children or being a stupid ass, then it made My List.

There’s my list.  But you know what?  “Worst” lists aren’t any fun to put together.  Nope.  I’m far more looking forward to the “Best” list that I’ve been cooking for the last couple of weeks.  There was an awful lot of awesome in 2008, if you knew where to look.

So what tops your “Worst of 2008″ list?  Lets get it all of our chests now, shall we?